Adaptability: the quality of being able to adjust to new conditions. The capacity to be modified for a new use or purpose.
November 2020. Yosemite National Park.
Friday, February 26, 2021- 10:24am. Coffee shop of course.
Here we go. I feel like “my everything” is up in the air, but I got two feet on the ground and we are going to figure this crazy and beautiful life out. Work through the frustrations and appreciate the timing, no matter how impatient I am about not knowing how it all works out. Headphones on. Sitting with the discomfort and somehow finding comfort in the mess of life.
I never would have thought I’d be going in the direction I am going right now looking back a year ago. If you had asked me two years ago where I would be now, I know I thought I’d have it all figured out by now, probably moved cross country and I would be happy. I also wouldn’t have thought we would be living, working, and fighting through a worldwide pandemic. There is incredible strength everyone has learned and grown through this time, but it isn’t something we necessarily wanted or warranted. It just happened and here we are, making it through, sometimes well and other times barely surviving.
I just thought my happiness would be based on checking all the boxes I thought my twenties would encourage me to fulfill. I thought I would have the family relationships balanced, the independence to be on my own, and a hella well laid out road map of where I was and where I was going. I’m here to remind you (and myself) that even our best laid out plans often don’t lead us to where we think we will be. AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES LIFE SO EXCITING AND EXHILARATING. We get to plan and put actions into work towards our goals and dreams, but there is a variable called “life” that gets plugged into the equation and changes a little and a lot of things and we have to adapt.
The general realization is that I have changed what I want to become when I grow up so many times over the last few years, so I’m genuinely surprised at where I have landed for my next move ahead in my career. BUT I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY PROUD IN MYSELF TOO.
From late night summer conversations on my mom and step dads deck, to researching endlessly about avenues to get where I wanted to, and lots and lots of self doubt and questioning myself, I landed on the place, the timing, and the program that I wanted to pursue. I’m applying to nursing school! When I narrowed in on nursing, I saw the many avenues to become an RN and embraced the whittling down of my options into the right ones for me. With the exploration of nearly every path I could take as a BS student, I personally chose to pursue the accelerated second Bachelor’s programs within my home state, Michigan. With how many classes I had to spruce up on, I found it difficult to spread myself thin trying to complete 2-3 different schools requirements in about 1 years time. Even though I come from a kinesiology degree, there were several classes I had to pick up and take before schools could consider me. These prerequisite classes included organic chemistry/ biochemistry, microbiology, genetics, a physiology lab, human development psychology, and a few more classes. Now, what do you tell people when you are smack dab in the middle between “I graduated college” and “I’m going back to school for _____ degree”. When you haven’t quite made it into your next program, you are stuck in the mushy crossroads where you just tell everyone you’re a senior and you’re just taking some classes for a career change. You feel odd because your friends your age in your boat (still in school that is) are going to be graduating next year with their masters and doctorates in some advanced degrees. You aren’t sure how to feel about your second Bachelor’s that you want to pursue. You aren’t even sure if you truly have what it takes to make it through another rigorous undergraduate degree. But then you remember that you had so many programs to look at because so many people decide to do what you are doing. You are not alone in how you are feeling and you are not alone in the struggle you have right now. So, even though we are close to getting the deciding answer about whether I get into my program, I’m still riding the dotted line between these lanes and preparing for what my future could look like. In less than 2 weeks, I hear back on if this program is the right fit for me and I so hope it sets many dominos into line.
For now, I sit right in “the in between”, ruminating on my thoughts, doubts, and hopes. I hate it. I love it. And I let all my past experiences flow together and build that foundation that I know I’ve needed to reflect on. I’m not spreading myself too thin. I’m not trying to be too many things. I’m not misguided. Somehow, all I’ve done and am doing, flows together. Even though you and I might not see how this all comes together, I believe down to my bones that I am on track to where I should be. That is literally what gets me up in the morning. And I hope it gets you up in the morning too. The feeling that wherever you are today, waiting in line, jamming to your music, walking through the daily motions, talking out your goals to your circle, and making quiet moves towards your future, I hope you feel direction. Even though it might be blurry, I hope you feel driven to keep going. I know we need what you have to offer. Even if it just helps one other person, we need the energy that only you can bring to this party.
You got this. We got this. I got this. Keep going!
Much love, MC
MCLARKmakesherMARK 